A Question of Death
A Question of Death
So we are in the 11th week of the UK lockdown due to Coronavirus pandemic that is currently sweeping across the world, and with time on my hand, the issue of death has reared its head.
It's funny how you can live your whole life, and never really question of think of your own mortality.
Over the years you will have family members, friends and extended members of you network die, you will go to the funeral, remember your interactions, mourn and grieve the passing and loss of that person, but then life carries on as normal.
With this pandemic, along with the fear mongering by the media and government, things seem a lot different, people in general are scared, paniced and behaving irrationally in relation to death.
So it's with this back drop that I am writing this blog post with regards to death, not on a morbid level, but what it really means.
Although I didn't realise it until now, the hand of death, has never been that far from me, but one thing for sure, death changes everything.
My first experience of death, would have such devasting consequences that has mainly followed me for the whole of my life, as it started a catastrophic chain of events, that still impacts me today, even though at the time, I was only months old, and did not know or realise the impact of the death of my big sister had on my family.
The death of my sister caused my family to implode in such a way that it never recovered, and meant all the futures and possibilities that that family unit had was gone for ever.
When my father died in my early teens, I had not seen him or had any form of contact with him in over 10 years, and on his death I realised my last link to my past was gone, there was so much I could have learned and wanted to learn from him, but would now not have the chance.
Fathers Day is especially a painful day, as it's a constant reminder of that loss, there is nothing more beautiful and pure than the father daughter relationship.
I remember sitting on the kitchen floor crying, mourning his death, grieving for both him and myself, because I realised how alone I was in the world, no one would be my corner, and that if I wanted to achieve anything I would have to be my own support, cheer-leader, motivation and inspiration.
I was only able to meet my maternal grandfather once before his death, but there was an instant bond that a grand parent and grand child shares, especially if you are the first, and the week we spent together is one of my most treasured moments, although we could not communicate directly with each other, due to language barriers, the universal language of love and respect was understood by both of us.
In my life myself I have been very close to death a number of times, due to the hands of others and also by my own stupid actions, and sometimes I have not even realised how close I have come to loosing my life, if it was not for the grace of God, the Universe, my Guardian Angel(s) I'm sure I've got more than one and with some of my antics over the years I must have driven them all to distraction, if not drink and/or drugs, and/or my ancestors, in our culture it is said that our dead ancestors are there to protect the living.
One obseration I've learnt over the years is that living is hard, as you are left with the guilt and regret of things you wanted to say or do with the person that has died, and now you will never have the opportunity to do so.
Am I scared of dying?
No?
Why?
Death is the natural process of the cycle of life.
I think because human beings see themselves at the top of the food chain, we forget that life is fragile, and can be over in a moment, we do everything to preserve the facade of youth, but actually live.
The fact is Nobody is getting out of this alive.
I believe when it's my time it's my time, in my culture we believe that we reincarnate within the family, and I remember years ago a psychic said that I would give birth to my great great great grand father, which I admit kinda freaked me out, but as life goes, that hasn't happened, so I will be the last of my family line.
The key is to live your life, take chances and risks, as long as they are informed ones
What do you think?
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